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Puckering Time

It's now or never.
 

Moving on with more of...

Okay, just some clarifications. I went on a limbo not because I’m experiencing some kind of personal dilemma whateverthatmeans thing because if I really were maggots and all sorts of vile icky creatures would’ve been enjoying a smorgasbord by now, but you’re reading this so I would most certainly say that I can pass for normal. I just wanted a break. Specifically, a more peaceful hiatus (Blecch! Phooey! Why the hell am I using that term, anyway?) that required total chastisement, barricading my eyes from seeing my blog on a daily basis. It also entailed another deviant behavior: reading posts from my blog roll. It was a tough decision, and after much biting and chewing of cuticles and since there were exactly seven people pining for my return which I think is enough to prove that my blog is adequately intelligible, I’ve resolved to go back.

Warning: segue. My friend (the jeepney-riding companion I’ve been mentioning in my earlier posts) kept on reminding me about the state of my brain. Every time I kid around and utter statements that only a smartass can declare he promptly says without missing a beat, “Sira ulo ka talaga,” or “Loko-loko ka,” or “Adik ka.” Then again, I know myself much better than anyone else, and people don’t have to remind me about anything they’ve particularly witnessed.

There are a few contentious things, however, that hounds the hell out of me. Or was I just being too observant and critical?

Kokey

This is probably the most hideous TV show I’ve seen in my entire 19 years of existence. In case you’re one of the enlightened people who can survive without the picture tube, Kokey is all about this terribly abominable extraterrestrial of the gooley eyes that made an emergency landing on Earth because there was a trouble in its spaceship or something and the alien has to fix it and then he found a human friend who kept the alien secretly from the kibitzing neighbors – at least that’s how I understood the plot. Even in the midst of its fatal attempts at levity I don’t find this creature hilarious or anything synonymous to it. I assume that the program targets the children, and I hope the intention is not to wreak tension and emotional disturbance among the viewers although Kokey is not at all scary. The most exasperating part comes in when Kokey speaks gibberish. My jeepney-riding friend imitated the way it babbles – I found myself frothing at the mouth and I have to restrain myself from spearing him with a fork. I have actually seen the predecessor of this TV show, the original Kokey; it looked cuter and provokes less fist-clenching.

Thankfully, Eugene Domingo is there. The universe isn’t that indifferent at all.

Youngblood

I’ve always wanted to contribute a write-up for this column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The problem is that I have no idea what to write. Sure, you may suggest that I write about something people could actually relate themselves to, but for me it’s not easy as it seems. Each time I hear this calling to write for Youngblood I immediately heed unto this bit of voice inside my head. But not long after I’ve typed a few paragraphs it will always occur to me that this calling is nothing but ghastly hallucinations, and then I’d delete everything. I never went to finish anything for Youngblood even if I’m utterly convinced that I could finish off a write-up in just one sitting.

Then it came to me that I’m incoherent, and judging from the previous Youngblood articles I’ve read I should better assess my writing skills first. Not that I’m being pessimistic, but I think I wouldn’t even pass for a good writer.

Kim Chiu

I used to salivate after this Filipino-Chinese girl when she joined that ridiculous TV program – and a certain Blogger may attest to this – but now when I saw her hawking shampoo, cavorting mercilessly in the TV ad, I found myself deeply in shame. Never in my life have I felt like wallowing in self-pity. How could I possibly continue to yearn and sneak around her if she looks like a piece of frayed cardboard dancing and shrieking what could have been lyrical poetry to some raving fanatic of bubblegum pop songs? And then she has this song Crazy Love having lyrics that go, “Crazy love/crazy love/crazy love/crazy love” – someone put this lady in a mental asylum. I know that love causes people to do crazy stuff – catatonic stares, going on stupid weight loss regimens, slashing wrists, guzzling insecticides, sniffing toilet bowls – but coming up with a song and broadcasting it on the airwaves? To quote Mohinder Suresh from Heroes, “It sounds mad!”

There must be a better way to live.

That laundry soap ad

Every time I see this commercial it makes me more of a cynical person. The glimmering endorser of this TV ad is Ms. Solita “Winnie” Collas-Monsod, a well-renowned professor of Economics in my school, TV show host of a news and public affairs program, and columnist of the PDI. She portrays a magician kind of character wherein, instead of wands and funky smelling rabbits emerging from top hats, she uses this certain brand of laundry soap that claims to be very effective in removing stubborn dirt from garments. I don’t wash my own clothes so I cannot actually put this claim into test, but for crying out loud they got the wrong endorser!

Think about it. Although one is free to make money out of his or her career reputation, a professor slash media personage slash columnist of a reputable daily is not the proper endorser of products that reportedly slough off grisly filth like magic. We are all aware that Ms Monsod is a credible person (not because her work requires her to be one, but I think she’s very reliable nonetheless), but how are we supposed to believe in everything she will tell us if we all know for the fact that she was paid to say that it’s a capable laundry soap – even if all claims of effectiveness were held truthful? We have artists – lots of them, I must say – who can do the work for Ms Monsod without their repute being questioned.

On Havaianas

I was wearing a pair when my friend and I went to Starbucks TriNoma a week ago. Beside our table was an undiplomatic corps of human beings who made pompous comments on my tsinelas. I thought they just wanted conversation; it turned out to be a lecture on poverty, hungry kids along sidewalks just outside the mall, commercialization, blah blah blah. A member added that he sees it pointless having to buy an expensive pair of rubber slippers when there are cheaper alternatives available whereupon his other companions gave an air of approval.

Hey. Mind your own problems, people. We don’t need constant bickering of how the majority of the population feeds on barely one meal a day, how their situation is often aggravated by lack of available jobs and proper education, how we are able to come up with every politically-correct term imaginable for these lowly people – if you are so much concerned about them, you go and help them figure out what to do. I got my pair of Havaianas through savings from my allowance, and I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you say that I’m wasting my money on such superficialities. Shut up.

By the way, you said that you are against commercialization. What business are you up to inside a commercial establishment? And why the hell are you drinking a Frappuccino? And for the love of God, it’s AH-va-ya-nas, not HA.

Zero to

About the winless situation of UP in the 70th season of the UAAP. Now it will seem too distressing to find out that the UP Men’s Basketball team hasn’t won any of its game in this season, and I don’t know what seems to be the problem. It is interesting to note that even though the men are flunking, the Women’s team is actually making its way to the top.

Some people that I’m acquainted with say that it’s a little ironic that UP – its students notorious for undisputed excellence in all possible fields – is becoming a sore loser, or make that indeed a sore loser in this certain field called sports. It doesn’t necessarily follow that if we are academically exceptional, we can also grab every trophy, medal, and all those glorious reputation in the world of basketball, particularly in the U double A P. Let me just clarify that our basketball players and the rest of the student population of UP are only humans, much to your relief, and we do have limitations. In this case, we’re simply not the best in basketball.

At least we’re not a bunch of cheats. Don’t say, “We’re Machiavellians! The end justifies the means!” Cheating is cheating, even if it has chocolate syrup in it. I would rather we lose through honest sweat and toil than to emerge victors with the aid of huge bank accounts, persuasive late night conspiratorial chit-chats with the authorities – or hypodermic syringes.

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At Sun Sep 02, 12:23:00 AM, Anonymous Juice retorts...

Kokey
Me don't know. Haha :s

Youngblood
Youngblood has been a really good outlet for "youngbloods" to expose their writing ability and I think you should definitely go for it. I can't even believe you can't think of what to write considering the amount of substance there is in this blog. Why not try about blogging? After all, it's all about the things you have interest in, as opposed to feeling like you HAVE TO write something.

Kim Chiu
I saw it I saw it I saw it! When I came back to the Philippines it irritated the hell out of me as well. I thought she had a little bit of "class" (I've seen her a few times back in Cebu), only finding out she indulges in those irritating series of jingles which makes you wanna throw rocks at the television.

The laundry soap ad
Me have no idea about this.

Havaianas
Oh shut up!! WTF is he? Seriously when reading this section, my face was fuming. As an owner of 4 pairs, I definitely go by comfort (and generally I'm a flip flop girl), although I admit that the brand does play a part, but that's not the point. I get it from my guy friends too, but they don't go on lecturing about poverty and hunger. Mainly it's just a chant about "what's so good about rubber slippers anyway?" and that's it. Grrrrrrrrrr get a life! And get out of Starbucks before I squirt you with a Green Tea Frappucino.

Zero to
Hmm, can't relate. Haha.

---

Oh oh, and welcome back Mike! =)    



At Sun Sep 02, 05:16:00 PM, Blogger Doubting Thomas retorts...

nakakatakot si kokey. tsaka parang clay yung balat nya. eeew.
--
i think ok lang naman naman kung ha--- or ah-- its not our language naman eh.
--
yeah i so *heart* kim chiu during her big brother days. pero i hate the way she talks, the way she opens her mouth, the way she stares, i pretty much hate everything about her nung nagtagal.
Eto yun oh
--
hehe.

~rob    



At Sun Sep 02, 08:20:00 PM, Blogger Jed retorts...

if you think kokey's bad, well you've gotta watch ang mga mata ni anghelita. that show sucks. i mean, what the hell, may mga puti at itim na mangkukulam at mga anghel pa.. tas may powers pa! sana ginawa na lang nilang power ranger anghelita yung title ng show..

i haven't read any youngblood column yet. too bad.

nako, kung ako pinaringgan ng mga yun, huhubarin ko yung slippers ko at ihahampas ko sa mga mukha nung mga yun. bwahahaha!    



At Mon Sep 03, 06:03:00 PM, Anonymous arnel retorts...

on the Havaianas, don't mind them. if they couldn't even pronounce it's name correctly, what more to pronounce Frapuccino? LOL. i'm challenging them.

University of the Philippines is now Damned On Winning Nothing. haaay. hopefully we could be the one to put a slice on UE's winning streak. i'll be fine with that.    



At Mon Sep 03, 09:53:00 PM, Blogger kingofchocolates retorts...

KOKEY
Target market are the kids, so kahit mababaw, okay lang sa akin. Hindi ko naman pinapanood. But you're right! He's uglier than the original, haha! He looks like a burnt victim. And yes, Eugene Domingo is quite funny, and I like the she acts up like a Kapampangan, kasi Kapampangan din ako. I don't share the H speech defect though. :)

YOUNGBLOOD
I sent an entry back in high school. Walang nangyari. Looking back at what I wrote back then, I know why, haha! Ampangit!

KIM CHIU
Gusto ko rin siya dati sa PBBTE. But she's a bad actress for me. A good person yes, but a bad actress, hehe!

HAVS
Err, I don't own any. Cannot afford, haha!

UAAP
I hate the way Men's Basketball is overhyped over the other sports. Nagmumukha talaga tayong kawawa. Unfair kasi, sa ibang sports, magaling naman tayo. 2nd yata tayo overall, if I'm not mistaken. And yes, at least we don't cheat. Hear hear! :)    



At Tue Sep 04, 03:24:00 AM, Blogger Jhed retorts...

Kokey is creeping the bazookas out of me. Seriously. I try my best to not watch this show as it may give me nightmares later on.

--

I'm probably the only youth (if you can still consider me as youthful) who haven't read even a single article of Youngblood. We had an assignment in HS that requires us to cut out an article from Youngblood, pero hindi ko naman siya nagawa. Boo-hoo!

--

Kering-keri.. sumusunod sa aking galaw. Kering-keri...

*pukes all over the place*

--

Maybe the product, a.k.a as Ariel, chose Ms. Monsod for her credibility.

--

Me thinks they're just jealous because you can afford to buy Havaianas and they can't. :P

--

At least we’re not a bunch of cheats.

Spoken by a real loser. LOOOOL! Just kidding. Peaaaaaace! :D

--

Good to have you back, Mr. Pucking Off! Yosi tayo! ;)    



At Tue Sep 04, 10:53:00 PM, Blogger gerome! retorts...

Kim Chiu
Ako nahihiya sa sarili ko ngayon 'pag naiisip kong naging crush ko siya. Peste. Haha.

Havaianas
Sana may magregalo. :D

UAAP
Asa pa! Peste. Masyado nang naging basketball-centered ang lahat when in fact UPians excel in other sports.

Laundry Soap Ad
Hmm, magiging prof ko siguro siya 'pag naka-shift ako sa UPD. Haha. Sana mas madali siya magturo ng Econ kaysa sa professor ko dito sa UPM. :D    



At Wed Sep 05, 03:34:00 PM, Blogger Billycoy retorts...

local TV = crapolas

kaya mas masaya ako sa labas ng bahay kasi nakakasawa na ring humarap sa TV. kung porn, nat geo, HBO originals or educational pa siguro mas may kwenta ang panonood.

sulat ka na sa youngblood baka pagtungtong mo ng 20's di ka na makapag-contribute dun.    



At Thu Sep 06, 10:43:00 AM, Blogger dorkzter retorts...

sigh poor me. i cant evenlay my eyes on a tv anymore. super busy. thank you for the haviainas lecture, hehehe    



At Fri Sep 07, 04:30:00 PM, Anonymous Dan Hellbound retorts...

Kokey. It's for the younger audience, but look at the main character. It can surely send chills and cries on the children. Freakier than Sadako!

Kim Chiu. She's cute, but my Kim is cuter. :P

That laundry soap ad. I think the ones behind the ad did a lottery of who's going to be the endorser instead of deeply thinking about it.

On Havaianas. Those kinds of people should shut the fuck up and do something about helping the poor. Fucker.

Zero To. Thought-provoking statement for my "brothers", if you know what I mean. LOL.    



At Sat Sep 08, 04:36:00 PM, Anonymous Skye retorts...

Kim Chiu. I hate her. Ever since she showed up at PBB, people around keep on asking me, "Uuuyy! Kamukha mo si Kim Chiu a!" And I would always present this innocent face... "Who the hell is Kim Chiu?" A month later, I realized who she was when ads featuring her chinita face mushroomed around EDSA. Like hell, she's not even cute. I've got friends cuter than her. Most Filipinos like her simply because she's a chinita... but when you yourself is a Chinese, you'll realize how lacking she is in the beauty arena. Argh.

So damn those who tell me I look like her. Forgive me, I find myself turning a nauseating shade of green with the thought.

On Havaianas. Hypocrites, that's what they are. If I want to help the poor, I can do it while enjoying a cup of coffee during a full body massage for all I care. You don't have to begrudge yourself of the finer things in life... You want to HELP, not the BE poor. Crazy-assed f***ers. Grrr.

On the UP Basketball thing. Sad to say, Filipinos are pursuing the wrong field in sports. We should be playing soccer, not basketball. No amount of genetic engineering can make the Filipinos grow taller. Soccer is the way to go! Speed. Check. Leg strength. Check. Hard head. CHECK!!!!    



At Sun Sep 09, 01:12:00 AM, Blogger daniel-Jr retorts...

naku umuugong pa rin sa tenga ko yang kering keri n ayan.. wooshoong! haha.,    



At Sun Sep 09, 06:12:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

Hi people.

Based on what i've read on your very generous comments, i therefore conclude that:

a. You hate Kim Chiu, or at the very least, don't like her as much as any other young artist or just about any person that you know. She should've pursued a career being a contortionist because that's what she's good at, right?

b. We are all defenders of the democratic right to wear Havaianas. For those of you who still don't have a pair, RusTan's holds a Havaianas sale during inventory sales. Probably this Christmas. So save up and pamper yourself. c:

c. We have nothing to watch on TV.

d. Kokey sucks big time. That stupid clay dough is a big black hole in the society. Let us all arm ourselves.    



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