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Puckering Time

It's now or never.

Wrong gramming. Wrong pronounce.

With the mushrooming of call centers in almost every possible rentable space in the metro, there is no doubt that most of the job-seekers nowadays would want to enter such a career. One must be really sure with full conviction that he will “work for a company unlike any other because [he] is not like everybody else.” I personally find this bit of statement reeking with irony and absurdity. Consider the declaration of superiority. It’s a call center by IBM. What sets it off from other call centers, I have no idea, but the fact that it is a call center means that it’s no different from, say, Convergys, e-Telecare, Sykes, or that stupefyingly annoying PLDT. And nowadays, most people seem to equate the word “lucrative” to call center. Judging from the blinding salaries beginners can receive, not to mention the incentives and probably bonuses, one could really be allured into entering the business.

But there was no mention of the sure-fire possibilities that one can turn into a) a zombie, or b) a pretentious twit who professes mediocre accentuation.

Aside from malls and chocolates, the MRT is one of my ultimate sources of happiness whenever I feel like jumping into the ravine of the indefinite destiny. Friday morning I was feeling slightly out of kilter for I was in a bad mood: no caffeine fix. I reached the MRT Taft station and my head began to throb: migraine. Lest I bring on the Armageddon at the most inconvenient time – the 6.30 am rush hour – I firmly grasped the handle bars on top of me, closed my eyes, and tried to doze off. Standing.

The train arrived at the Ayala station upon which a blustering vertically-challenged human being clutching his Nokia 3100 with his left hand onto his left ear boarded the second coach and stood beside me. (I hate employing politically correct grammar, but I would definitely be offending a lot of people if I didn’t.) I assume this clod works for a call center because of the lanyard dangling on his neck down to the navel. He was not the typical kind of person you’d wish to get along with. He conversed to the other party so loudly that his voice reverberated inside the train, and I feared him breaking the resonance frequency of the tempered glass panes. It’s not a good idea to contemplate. By the way, he spoke in full American accent, slang included. And he doesn’t even resemble a foreigner. More likely, he looks like a foreign material from hell.

“I will not tell you how I only got one hour of sleep! In my cubicle!”
Upon which he proceeded to talk about it in broadcast intensity. Hopefully it’s not the cubicle that first came into my mind.

“I (sic) eat senwitch and juice a hwile agow. Habachu, what jee-eet?”
Note that I wrote it the way he said it.

“Oh my gawd, I was there teww. Why didn’t we see each otha?”

“I’d berah geww to a messege paaahrlor later. I feel so (sic) stress. Wanna come with me?”

“Hey, I have the song you’re looking for. Hwat? You forgot it already? It’s by the Pussy Cut Dahls! Anyway, it’s in my iPahd.”

Message to instructors: please don’t let your trainees pass anything that would not justify your efforts in teaching them the proper way to speak the twang. It’s horrible and altogether embarrassing.

“Haven’t been to the cinemas lately. Ah, I know. Let’s watch Harry Patter!”
I restrained myself from laughing, lest I’d drown their conversation with my maniacal giggling and whatnot.

People, if you are so much confident with the way you speak and being a moronic laughing stock is not part of your grand scheme in life, find out first what phonetics means. Use it. It will help you. And for call center agents who still have a hangover from their jobs on the way home, be a responsible horde of communicators. Your accent may sound remarkable, probably enviable, but don’t bother reminding us that you know much better. That you have an edge than the rest of the crowd – do you actually know what you’re doing? If phonetics is too atrocious, it will be difficult for the listening crowd to distinguish what is real from what is phony, and you don’t have any right to be sadistic. You might even sow confusion to Harry Potter fans, and you don’t want to see boulders and pillboxes hurtling toward your general direction.

And please, find out what Freudian slips are. Avoid them

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At Sat Jul 28, 10:05:00 PM, Blogger Jhed retorts...

Hindi masyadong pinapansin ng Americans ang grammar nila. Heck, mas worse pa nga sila sa atin e. But yeah, some agents tend to over-use their "skills" na feeling nila ang cool nila kapag nage-English sila.

Thank God sa text support ako, meaning.. dapat mas aware ako sa aking grammars and spelling. LOL.    

At Sat Jul 28, 10:22:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

jhed: yeah, and we're the only ones that are so particular with diction, grammar, and phonetics to the point of being a bunch of perfectionist lot.

ah cool pala ha. hmmm. hahahaha.    

At Sun Jul 29, 01:36:00 AM, Blogger Jigs retorts...

Call Centers are really not that great. It's only good until you find the right job, where you can use what you know or what you're good at.

I hope I never would get to experience that brand of pretentious attitude in any manner.

I better make some chocolate dessert to make me happy too!    

At Sun Jul 29, 01:37:00 AM, Anonymous Isagani X retorts...

Please let me know kung interested po kayong maging guest blogger sa http://sawariko.wordpress.com    

At Sun Jul 29, 09:09:00 AM, Blogger Doubting Thomas retorts...

naubos ang hininga ko sa pagbabasa nung conversation. *hingal*


i read in a forums a story about a call center agent being so nit-picky at a wedding. he wasn't even invited, he's just there because his gf was invited. and to think that he was talking to a group of really professionals (lawyers, doctors, eng'nrs).

kaya nung huli, nag paumanhin nalang yung gf nya.


at isa payang mga agents na sumasakay sa MRT. gad, duduguin ako sa kanila. ridiculous talaga.


anyways,thanks for the visit sa blog ko. nice ang blog mo. :)    

At Sun Jul 29, 10:10:00 PM, Blogger Jed retorts...

wahahaha! pussy cut dahls? ipahd? wahahaha!

don't wanna be rude. lahat naman nagkakamali sometimes but yun? halatang pa-impress. there's just something na mahahalata sa words nya na nagmamayabang. sana nagtagalog na lang sya.

nako, kung ako nakakita dun, titignan ko sya at tatawa ng malakas! bwahahaha!    

At Mon Jul 30, 08:04:00 AM, Blogger Mike retorts...

jigs:i will enter the call center industry...and work as a consultant, not an agent. there are offers for graduates of my course with a starting pay of...P40K. hahaha.

isagani x: sure way. thanks.

doubting thomas: they're just making an impression, period. haha.

jed: hindi ako makatawa eh, nabwisit ako. pero gusto ko rin siyang tawanan. as in. kasi kung narinig mo siya magsalita, halatang trying-hard eh.    

At Mon Jul 30, 04:47:00 PM, Blogger Billycoy retorts...

hindi ako magrereklamo kung lumaki silang english speaking, pero kung acquired through work or other influences lang, the hell with them.

kailangan pang paganahin ang ating mental translator para lang maintindihan sila. mas prefer ko pa rin magsalita sa native tongue kasi mas mae-express ng mabuti ang nais sabihin.

sabi nga, do what the romans do when in rome.    

At Mon Jul 30, 10:21:00 PM, Anonymous prinsipe dilan retorts...

ei mike... add mo naman ako sa blogroll mo... www.dilan.co.nr... tnx, inadd na nga pala kita he he he!    

At Mon Jul 30, 11:19:00 PM, Blogger Chris Cafuir retorts...

oh this makes my blood boil.

i hate it when people try to speak american slang, and they speak so loudly. obnoxious frogs! tapos makikita mo na ang hitsura eh mukhang frog nga! hahahahaha.

happened to me once, i had a terrible headache afterwards. their grammar and mispronunciations were just too much for me to handle.    

At Tue Jul 31, 03:58:00 PM, Anonymous Juice retorts...

Call center agents who exaggerate their pronunciations and their accent piss the hell out of me.    

At Tue Jul 31, 07:32:00 PM, Blogger dazedblu* retorts...

just a big Check! yew absolutely right, i agree with other readers from this blog.. call centers are really irritating esp the those agents..

hindi ba pwedeng bagalan ang pagii-english! in-fact were in th philippines so what's the reason for rush? grabe...

btw nice blog here the post brings a good argument. ;) chill out.    

At Thu Aug 02, 08:43:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

billycoy: sabi nga ng prof ko sa Radio, You will never become Americans so forget about it.

The problem is, nung natuto silang magsalita with that American accent, they thought that they were born in the wrong body and the wrong country.

prinsipe dilan: salamat ng marami.

chris cafuir: next time, bring extra-strength Tylenol. and probably insect repellent. you'll never know when they'd come handy.

juice: the mere presence of these clods are all-in-all pissing.

dazedblu*: you can say that again. haha. thanks.    

At Fri Aug 03, 06:23:00 PM, Anonymous Heneroso retorts...

cofibean ikaw ba iyan!? the hell pare! hahahahaha    

At Fri Aug 03, 09:26:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

heneroso: hoy, bilang nanalo, manlibre ka naman.    

At Sat Aug 04, 05:34:00 PM, Anonymous Prudence retorts...

I used to work in a preemployment clinic catering mostly to applicants to call centers and also to current call center agents for their annual physical exam. One time I was interviewing this guy who looked like any other Filipino guy, brown-skinned and not so tall, and he kept on talking to me in English with an American twang but with obvious grammatical errors. How much I wanted to hit him with my stethoscope and tell him to go back to elementary to correct his subject-verb agreement! Haha! But, of course, I didn't do that. But it really made me laugh I have to fight hard not to do so loudly. He might have heard it as a cough, or something. Haha.    

At Sat Aug 04, 07:07:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

prudence: you should've talked to him in pure Tagalog. forget about ethics, he's way too unethical based on his behavior.

maybe he was just practicing the accent, lest he'd be noticed by his clients on the phone.    

At Mon Aug 06, 02:39:00 AM, Blogger Ely retorts...

I also work in a call center, at ako po mismo iritado rin sa mga taong paglabas ng work, akala nila perfect na English nila. Kadalasan sila ung mga baguhan pa lang, tipong nasa training kaya todo praktis paglabas...

Pag matagal ka na sa call center, kung pd ayaw mo na mag-English...bihira mo maririnig ang mga call center veretans na nag-i-inglesan...    

At Sat Aug 11, 03:34:00 PM, Anonymous Skye retorts...

Ahhh, what Filipinos do to forget their roots and some IMPORTED. Colonial mentality?

My boyfriend's going to work in a call center just for the heck of it... He doesn't need the money, go figure. I really hope he won't turn out talking that way. I'll probably give him a reality check every once in a while.    

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