Puckering Time

Yesterday when I made an appearance at the AS Walk I saw a girl friend reading I think the latest issue of the FHM Ladies’ Confessions. She was so enthralled in perusing the magazine’s content I thought of keeping a safe distance from her, lest she wraps herself around me barring any attempt of struggling to catch my breath. But since I was also curious about the brouhaha that the magazine offers, I took a quick glance over it. There were different stories revolving on a single topic: s_x. (Newsflash! You can’t read anything in FHM other than the three-letter word) I flipped over the first few pages and found a short quiz, something about social lifestyle stuff that relates everything with…condoms. Isn’t that funny, you are given a test on how well you perceive yourself in a social situation and associate your answers with latex. I did not take the quiz because it requires me to take out a pen and a paper, but I fondly remarked about the mint Frenzy condom on the glossy opposite page. Then this girl friend who was three inches away misheard me. I said,

“Mint talaga iba.”

She retorted,

“Mint? Nagko-condom ka?” Then she laughed the afternoon off.

She kept on snickering about the way she stupidly misunderstood me, and was obviously pointing out that she was right. The thing is, I just didn’t see where the fun was, especially in the “…nagko-condom ka?” part. Another friend jumped in the conversation, asked who the condom user was, and said, “Bakit, okay nga ‘yun eh. May protection.” I was so glad that someone was on my side.

I have used a condom thrice. It was not paranoia that triggered me to wear one; honestly I just wanted to experience wearing it during s_x. A pack of Frenzy costs 20 bucks and contains three packets. I chose mint over orange and banana for some unknown reason. The first time I got to try it was way back a year and a half ago when I was still having flagrant affairs with a girl who I didn’t know could make lives more miserable than what I could inflict. As I like reading, I took time to read the instruction guide. The directions said that it should be worn before having s_x, that there is a proper way to unroll it down to the shaft (which I successfully accomplished), that once I have climaxed I should remove it as soon as possible so that it won’t get stuck inside the girl. If you thought I did not have much fun because I seemed to rationalize things, dash your hopes because I enjoyed every minute of mashing, squeezing, and all assortment of s_xual movements but for two major obstacles: 1) although I am very much confident with my size, the scented rubber kept on sliding from the shaft, and 2) I felt a bit of numbness basically because the condom went to cap the sensitive parts of my dick. A friend of mine also had the same experiences that I underwent, and he rattled off a brand that is known to be the thinner variety which has dots and ribs. It is a bit costlier than Frenzy but he said I’d feel much better. “It’s like doing it without the hassle of it,” he gleefully exclaimed over a Menthol. So I got to try the brand with that girl again. It was – how shall I put it – better with less insensitivity, but it was so thin I thought it would get ripped inside her due to friction, and the thought of bursting the condom after climaxing also bothered me. But do you actually think that I was contemplating these during the course of the activity?

My professor in Gender and Sexuality – which I was inclined to think that the subject really was s_x education – did a study on condoms, and he told us that he knows how to put one without even touching the rubber or your manhood. He went to the Netherlands, I already got my class card, and I broke up with my girlfriend. My prof never mentioned about it again. Aaargh.

Mike allegedly clacked away to post this on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 at 10:01 PM.