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Puckering Time

It's now or never.


I am all for freedom of speech. And for this I will talk about the reason why I almost brought forth the Great Tribulation in my household. The culprit of the seemingly innocuous offense that most people put into test during times of idleness. That little piece of stretchable thingy which had been said to fit all thinkable mass and bulk – talk about free sizing. Yes, the one thing that people have been trusting for years, the rubber that brought couples into a massive frenzy, the premier latex that claims to be the safest contraceptive available for it doesn’t present the user with problems much less to the recipient of primordial beastly activities.

Yesterday when I made an appearance at the AS Walk I saw a girl friend reading I think the latest issue of the FHM Ladies’ Confessions. She was so enthralled in perusing the magazine’s content I thought of keeping a safe distance from her, lest she wraps herself around me barring any attempt of struggling to catch my breath. But since I was also curious about the brouhaha that the magazine offers, I took a quick glance over it. There were different stories revolving on a single topic: s_x. (Newsflash! You can’t read anything in FHM other than the three-letter word) I flipped over the first few pages and found a short quiz, something about social lifestyle stuff that relates everything with…condoms. Isn’t that funny, you are given a test on how well you perceive yourself in a social situation and associate your answers with latex. I did not take the quiz because it requires me to take out a pen and a paper, but I fondly remarked about the mint Frenzy condom on the glossy opposite page. Then this girl friend who was three inches away misheard me. I said,

“Mint talaga iba.”

She retorted,

“Mint? Nagko-condom ka?” Then she laughed the afternoon off.

She kept on snickering about the way she stupidly misunderstood me, and was obviously pointing out that she was right. The thing is, I just didn’t see where the fun was, especially in the “…nagko-condom ka?” part. Another friend jumped in the conversation, asked who the condom user was, and said, “Bakit, okay nga ‘yun eh. May protection.” I was so glad that someone was on my side.

I have used a condom thrice. It was not paranoia that triggered me to wear one; honestly I just wanted to experience wearing it during s_x. A pack of Frenzy costs 20 bucks and contains three packets. I chose mint over orange and banana for some unknown reason. The first time I got to try it was way back a year and a half ago when I was still having flagrant affairs with a girl who I didn’t know could make lives more miserable than what I could inflict. As I like reading, I took time to read the instruction guide. The directions said that it should be worn before having s_x, that there is a proper way to unroll it down to the shaft (which I successfully accomplished), that once I have climaxed I should remove it as soon as possible so that it won’t get stuck inside the girl. If you thought I did not have much fun because I seemed to rationalize things, dash your hopes because I enjoyed every minute of mashing, squeezing, and all assortment of s_xual movements but for two major obstacles: 1) although I am very much confident with my size, the scented rubber kept on sliding from the shaft, and 2) I felt a bit of numbness basically because the condom went to cap the sensitive parts of my dick. A friend of mine also had the same experiences that I underwent, and he rattled off a brand that is known to be the thinner variety which has dots and ribs. It is a bit costlier than Frenzy but he said I’d feel much better. “It’s like doing it without the hassle of it,” he gleefully exclaimed over a Menthol. So I got to try the brand with that girl again. It was – how shall I put it – better with less insensitivity, but it was so thin I thought it would get ripped inside her due to friction, and the thought of bursting the condom after climaxing also bothered me. But do you actually think that I was contemplating these during the course of the activity?

My professor in Gender and Sexuality – which I was inclined to think that the subject really was s_x education – did a study on condoms, and he told us that he knows how to put one without even touching the rubber or your manhood. He went to the Netherlands, I already got my class card, and I broke up with my girlfriend. My prof never mentioned about it again. Aaargh.

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At Wed Jun 27, 05:04:00 PM, Anonymous Agent Grey retorts...

Yikes! Condoms! I only get them for free in my FHM mags collection.

But I don't have any chance of using them.    

At Wed Jun 27, 07:28:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

agent grey: use them before they expire. haha.    

At Wed Jun 27, 09:39:00 PM, Anonymous baylon retorts...

i used to use them while jacking-off. di na ngayon, kakasugat.. tsktsk. seriously.    

At Wed Jun 27, 10:14:00 PM, Blogger The King retorts...

At 22, I, err, have nothing to comment, ehehe..    

At Thu Jun 28, 10:01:00 AM, Blogger daniel-Jr retorts...

I only used them twice, first was out of curiosity, no sex. The 2nd time, during my 1st sexual encounter, it ripped even before my cumming. lol    

At Thu Jun 28, 04:17:00 PM, Anonymous juice retorts...

What sucks about the Philippines is that there is no DUREX. Durex is probably the only brand I use and trust.

I don't know why people there don't believe in condoms. Then the girls get preggers, or AIDS. Gosh. People. After all, it's just rubber right?

Personally, I have fun putting it on ;p    

At Thu Jun 28, 07:03:00 PM, Blogger Thysz retorts...

when i was young, condoms were the best water balloons me and my siblings could use. my dad was a salesman for a drug company and of course they sold the ubiquitous trust condoms! little did we know that those slimy balloons (i never got what the slime was for, until i got to high school) were used for another purpose, not intended for 8 year old kids of course.

so yeah, my lips were the first body part that touched them rubbers... but no ive never used them for any other purpose...YET! haha!    

At Fri Jun 29, 12:37:00 AM, Blogger Jhed retorts...

I can't help but giggle upon reading this post. Haha!

Anyway, I had a friend who says that he loses his hard-on when he tries to wear a condom. Masikip daw or something, at nawawala nga raw yung sensation.

Me? I had a partner once who insisted in wearing a condom. But the rest, I go bareback. LOL. Yeah, but I make sure naman na it's REAAAAALLY safe. :P    

At Fri Jun 29, 12:22:00 PM, Blogger bulitas retorts...

uhm, i can't remember wearing any on my sexual adventures. =)
i trust my instincts.    

At Fri Jun 29, 08:46:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

baylon: that is verry difficult. been there, done that. haha. thanks.

the king: why??

daniel-jr: it ripped. that's the most horrible thing that could happen. i have this thing over Premier condoms, they're so thin, and it bothers me a lot.

juice: yeah, and i just find it so confusing and at the same time infuriating when people find the concept of wearing condoms hilarious or something. i think they're immature beings.

thysz: waw, may pa "when i was young" ka pa ha. so, hmmm. your lips, eh? hahahaha.

jhed: there really is a possiblity that a guy will lose a hard-on when wearing a condom, i just dont exactly know why. maybe it's due to the "loss" of sensation.

going bareback? isn't that disgusting when you don't wear latex? I mean, am i thinking the way you're thinking? you know, bareback..

bulitas: maybe i'll try not to wear one next time.

is withdrawal an instinct?    

At Mon Jul 02, 09:52:00 AM, Blogger bulitas retorts...

haha. withrawal instincts!    

At Mon Jul 02, 07:12:00 PM, Anonymous Skye retorts...

I'd take banana than mint any day. lol

I'm actually over the condom dilemma. I just switched to withdrawal. Yeah, I know that it causes pregnancy, bla bla blah. (I'm a student nurse so I know about these sh*t) But condoms really irritate the hell out of me. They feel.. weird. When I have a guy's original, condom-free thing inside me, I'm basically happy. (God, I'm such a horny girl)    

At Mon Jul 02, 08:03:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

bulitas: but i always forget that instinct to withdraw. it's like as if i never knew how to do it. haha.

skye: when i have my original condom-free thingy inside a girl, i get so giddy that i just want it to stay there. hahaha. okay that's too much information for everyone.    

At Tue Jul 10, 02:09:00 PM, Blogger Jed retorts...

i wonder, why do condoms have flavors? is it for the oral part?

anyway, i still haven't tried using one yet. poor jed.    

At Tue Jul 10, 05:51:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

jed: you've already answered your question. do i need to explain further? =)

it's never too late to try one. go!    

At Sat Aug 11, 03:42:00 PM, Anonymous Skye retorts...

I don't like the feeling of rubber. Yuck. I even had an allergic reaction because of it. ITCHY!    

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