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Puckering Time

It's now or never.

Being myself, perhaps.

My mind was not in a very terrific shape a few days ago – I might have left parts of it somewhere during the course of our spontaneous traveling to different itineraries, or maybe I have misplaced a figment of my pink runny organ in someone else’s pockets. I also feel slightly disoriented, having been exposed to different levels of boredom that led me to engage myself and another human being of the opposite gender to a life-altering genetic experiment which was haphazardly intended only for sheer fun and excitement. Our once happy unadulterated selves led to an almost schizophrenic degree of paranoia when she just recently announced to me that she got delayed for almost three weeks, upon which I bullied inside the nearest Watson’s outlet to get her pregnancy test.


And so I continue to breathe deeply. Never in my life have I felt so thankful that I was still given the chance to inhale the noxious gases of Edsa because if everything went out of our ways, both of us would’ve been dead now, figuratively and probably in a literal sense. But since the two of us managed to get ourselves out of the trouble we gratefully hatched in the first place, everything is back to normal. Moral lesson: Never, ever employ fussiness when latex is concerned.

I was tagged by Vinch way, way during the Pre Cambrian Time to do this meme. Democratically speaking, giving out counterexamples is not my thing, but since I want to do something entirely different - and because I badly need a break – I decided to share weird stuff about myself. At least I know it was me. I was asked to do six, but I’d be giving out seven.

1. I would be the last person on Earth to eat lychee. I’ve had a horrible experience with the vile fruit, and it still follows me around like some idiotic sales person. Lychee for me is the equivalent of durian for some, and ampalaya for the entire human race.

2. On the average, it takes me at least three hours to buy just one pair of frigging shoes. The longest time I consumed was five, which took a lot of shuffling from three different malls because I am very particular with quality and performance. And my close friends have vowed not to accompany me for obvious reasons.

3. I incessantly nibble my fingernails. I don’t know, I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, and the knowledge of it being unhygienic doesn’t stop me from gnawing my nails until I get to feel a tingling pain. Call it an obsessive-compulsive condition.

4. My favorite cartoon character is Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob Squarepants. His vocabulary is intense and broad plus he’s frigging sarcastic. Kind of reflects my own personality. Kind of.

5. In relation to number 4, my favorite human being is former Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Whenever she gets featured on TV I leave everything I’m working on and hook myself up on the screen. She may have this profound look that suggests dementia, or at the very least a mild case of constipation, but she’s the model figure I look upon because she rattles off words and quotable quotes very impressively, and I rest my case for that matter.

6. I don’t know how to carry a baby. My cousins have been attempting to encourage me to try holding cute wittle coo-coos but they always fail. I feel so nervous whenever I have this urge to carry a baby; I fear that they’d slip from my arms and drop dead on the concrete. My mom once offered to give me free baby-holding lessons with my cousin’s baby. She said I will just have to grab the butt and clutch the baby in his/her arms into my arms close to my chest. I took one look and declined.

7. I’m not a Harry Potter fan. As a matter of fact, I haven’t read any of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter book series, much less the movie versions. Firstly, my attention span is very short. Secondly, I hate reading books which are a kilometer thick. Thirdly, everyone’s reportedly chummy with Rowling and Harry Potter, and I have this weird compulsion not to be like everybody else. Fourthly, I haven’t got much time to enter movie houses recently because I have got no spare time to do so. And fifthly, I just don’t like Harry Potter because a) some idiot proclaims that I look like him on the grounds that we both wear eyeglasses which makes it the shallowest of all possible means of comparison, and b) I don’t like him for simply being Harry Potter, period.

I could’ve added 8. Being myself, but I think I would be stating the obvious.

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At Wed Jun 20, 03:55:00 PM, Anonymous juice retorts...

You're a genius. I love how you described and wrote the first paragraph. I love reading it again and again. It's sooo. Well I can describe it. I've been in that situation too, although the guy was the one doing the worrying and I was the one buying the pregnancy test.

Negative. I bought again, wasn't convinced. Negative. And again I was freaking out. Third time's a charm, negative. I was convinced. Paranoid much? So I definitely know how you feel.

1. I hate lychees too. Ditto.
2. I take more time. ;p I understand the sentiments of trying to find a pair of good quality.
3. I used to.
4. Mine's Patrick.
5. Can't relate. Haha.
6. Which explains the first paragraph :P
7. I'm a huge HP fan. have this weird compulsion not to be like everybody else: I know what you mean, but I can't help it, it's just that good.
8. I feel you. In terms of myself, of course.    

At Wed Jun 20, 05:41:00 PM, Anonymous Agent Grey retorts...

You definitely have the hots for Miriam Santiago!

I don't know how to carry a week or month old baby too.

But I love lychee.    

At Thu Jun 21, 08:59:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

Juice: maybe it's just a by-product of what i've been experiencing lately. i've been in a limbo then i would manage to get perky then back to bedlam again. Nietzsche's Eternal Recurrence, perhaps. Haha.

Down with the lychees! Blecch. Phooey. Yucch.

agent grey: Santiago is like, there's no proper adjective to describe her. Probably, she might've sucked my powers and juices out, leaving me speechless whenever she makes pompous - and hilarious - statements.

Wait. Sucked my juice. Oh no.    

At Thu Jun 21, 09:49:00 PM, Anonymous Skye retorts...

I tried a pregnancy test just for the heck of it. My boyfriend convinced me to do it since I was delayed for a week (only a week). Negative! See how paranoid we are? lol

1. On the contrary, I know someone who actually enjoys ampalaya.

2. It takes me 3 months; hence, 3 pairs of crappy shoes/sandals are all I have. It's just so hard to find the perfect ones.

3. I nibble on my nails and eat my finger skin.

4. I rather have a bird shoved up my ass than watch sponge bob.

5. She's my idol lol I love the way she talks. She sounds intelligent... Well, she is intelligent!

6. lol I was once scared that I'd kill them too. Now, I carry them (simultaneously) like footballs. I have too, or else I won't have time to feed the others within the duration of my nursing duty.

7. I like the movies, but I hate the books. Go figure.

You have a way of explaining things differently. Though some of those who have a lesser grasp of the English language would not comprehend your way of writing, I still love it!    

At Thu Jun 21, 10:10:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

skye: hello! thanks for sharing your thoughts. i highly appreciate them. i also do number 3. yummy.
for number 5, she's too intelligent most people thinks she's loony. number 2, it is reeeeally hard to find the ones that will match your preferences.    

At Thu Jun 21, 10:15:00 PM, Blogger Jhed retorts...

Genetic experiment? Is that what they it right now? LOL.

I have a friend who went through the same experience as yours. His girlfriend was delayed for over a month and they kept on arguing everyday because of it. In the end, negative ang kanyang girlfriend.

So, the next time you "experiment" again.. remember that moment wherein you almost lost your bachelor status.    

At Fri Jun 22, 01:32:00 AM, Blogger MISTERHUBS retorts...

Philippine politics without Miriam Santiago would be boring. Nice blog by the way :-)    

At Fri Jun 22, 05:14:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

jhed: it's actually one way of expressing it without the explicit stuff though, but it sounds incredibly interesting.

maybe the next time i would reminisce about it is when i'm really prepared for such.

misterhubs: "Philippine politics without Miriam Santiago would be boring" - you can say that again. haha. thanks.    

At Tue Jun 26, 06:51:00 PM, Blogger The King retorts...

2. Nako, that's why I don't like bringing someone when I shop, nakakahiya kasi sa kasama mo kung mapagod siya, haha! At least kung ako lang ang mapagod sa kahahanap ng perfect shoes, ok lang.

5. 'former' Senator? She is an imcumbent Senator, right? But yeah, her latest antics at her bday bash at PGH were hilarious.

6. I hate carrying babies, cos they are so fragile, I might break them and they are not even mine, haha! BUt I was forced to learn, cos now I have 3 nephews..    

At Tue Jun 26, 09:49:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

the king: i'm not really sure if she's still a senator up to date. if she is, i stand to be corrected. thanks.    

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