Puckering Time

Guess who said that line. (Note: This would be quite long.)

There’s nothing more like being entertained by a bunch of creeps on national television. How shall I describe it. All that I know is that I’m so amused with every inch of my body that I nearly burst an artery. No, I did not spend my time watching people cavorting to and fro in the flying trapeze, although I have to admit that the feeling was close to that.

I’m talking about Isang Tanong, the senatorial forum on GMA 7 last Sunday. I really prepared myself for this program emotionally and mentally for I know that within the next three grueling hours my ears would be stormed by gibberish talks by gurgling senatoriables with their pompous ten-cents’ worth clichés which are oh so passé. Most people think politics is full of dirt and grime, but face it, it is one of the most lucrative jobs available. I am inclined to think that politics is pure fun and excitement, especially when pathetic sleazoids become microphone whores and pretend that they should be taken very seriously because the future of our sons and daughters is in their hands – oh puhleez. Blecch. Phooey.

There were 14 candidates set to fire, excuse me, for interrogation by what seemed to be a panel of judges like those in pageants, except that this one is more intellectual and captures the interest of the people. First batch includes Loren Legarda, Mike Defensor, and Richard Gomez. Odd one out. Loren’s answers were brief, straight to the point, and very substantial; seems like she’s used to answering such questions as her stand in the issue of political party systems. Mike D might’ve mistaken the forum for a press release; his responses were quick but very flowery. I wonder why. Then Richard’s turn. He sure looked tense, very tense that his attempt to swallow air in his mouth was very obvious for the viewers to see. As far as the questions were concerned, he did not answer them directly and kept digressing on topics which were already out of context, or at the very least, were not being asked for him to give his POVs. What would you expect.

As for the second batch, Ping Lacson, Zosimo Jesus Paredes, and wow, Victor Wood – is this a forum or what? The question was how they would fight corruption assuming they’ve been elected in office. Ping answered safely, and did not actually mention any specific measures to combat the problem. Zosimo’s answers were kind of…religious, and I do hope he’s sincere enough because I can construe his statements as blasphemy. By the way, he also did a Gomez. Then Victor Wood. The Soul Siren – oh, I’m sorry, I thought the forum was a music festival. FYI people, his favorite pastime is painting. How very cool. Manolo asked him about his position in the issue of Charter Change. “Wala akong alam d’yan.” Okay. When asked if illegal logging be considered as a heinous crime: “Depende.” Okay.

Third batch: Cesar Montano. Oliver Lozano. Prospero Pichay. Again, odd one out. The question was about Charter Change. What do you think Cesar Montano replied? Did he answer the question accurately, briefly, and concisely? Directly? He said “he hates to sound spiritual.” Anyway, Oliver Lozano’s a staunch believer that what the system needs is not Charter Change, but character change! (He glared his eyes on camera – how scary) Then it was Pichay’s turn. (I find it hilarious that he managed to use the name of a green leafy vegetable for his campaign, and there’s one campaign material that he used: a fan shaped like pechay that says, “I’m a Pichay fan!” How funny. But it sure is a great mnemonic device.) Thumbs up for Cha-Cha. He’s a member of Team Unity.

Fourth batch: Kiko Pangilinan, Mel Chavez, and the Dancing Queen herself, Tessie Aquino-Oreta. Kiko gave a not-quite substantial answer, and looked quite bothered or something when he was interrogated; maybe a little more time in the john could solve it. Mel so solemnly put it, “Tama na ang pagnanakaw!” Then proceeded to rattle off statistical figures which I think viewers don’t actually give a hoot. He digressed from the topic. I hereby declare Mel Chavez as the Ultimate Repository of Traditional Politicians’ Clichés. Clap. Tessie’s answers were tangential and flowery, and when asked whose government served better: Estrada’s or Arroyo’s, chrysanthemums, tulips, lilies, and a motley assortment of fauna began sprouting in the studio. I half-expected her to shake her booty while clutching mango branches.

The question raised for the fifth and last batch was about the sluggish Erap plunder case. Koko Pimentel safely gave his opinion, with legalities and all basically because he is a lawyer. He’s a bar topnotcher, you know. Ed Orpilla said, “…kulang sa pag-unawa at pagmamahal ang mamamayan…” Really? “Ang mahirap ay mahirap pa rin…dapat gawan ng solusyon ng administrasyon…” I rest my case.

As for the final question that went for everybody else, “Bakit kailangan namin kayo iboto?” For 30 seconds, do you actually think they can answer it without any line of rhetoric? And flowers? I will just enumerate the most captivating senatoriables and their gisted answers:

1. Gomez: “Vote me for my youthful perspective.”

2. Wood: “Isulong ang Charter Change.”

3. Lozano: just plain traditional rhetoric; no need to quote

4. Pichay: “Ako ang Tinig ng Mindanao.”

5. Pangilinan: “Because I’m an independent candidate”

6. Chavez: cliché, cliché, and nothing but cliché

7. Pimentel: “I’m a problem solver at heart.”

8. Orpilla: “I love statistics.”

Who are you going to vote for?

Mike allegedly clacked away to post this on Tuesday, May 08, 2007 at 11:35 PM.