The horde of voyagers
2. There is no such thing as benevolence when parking area is concerned. When you see it, you floor the gas, and then immediately set the shift stick to Park. Don’t forget to pull the hand brake.
3. Traversing the valleys of SM Mall of Asia requires the use of proper hiking gears. Use lightweight shoes that have good traction for optimum satisfaction and comfort.
4. Expensive rubber slippers, though fashionable and hip to wear, are not a mall rat’s best friend. You wouldn’t want to be called fashionably hip if you have deeply cracked heels and corns that resemble shiitake mushrooms.
5. Gadgets, while they’re of good use to humanity, should not be flaunted and waved upon in public. Many people – myself included – would regard you as a) an airhead, or b) first time users who don’t know doodley-squat about manuals.
6. Never assume that posh restaurants and fast food chains share the same principles as to food service and efficiency.
7. Live clams spit projectile water to unwary audiences. Watch out.
8. Häagen-Dazs’ Pistachio is the best, and Red Ribbon’s Choco Peanut Butter Mousse is heavenly.
9. It’s far much economical if you order bottomless or refillable beverages. At Dencio’s.
10. Aristocrat > Barrio Fiesta > Masas. Get it? (Hint: Elementary math + Accountancy + Practicality)
11. Photo ops are a necessary evil in tourist attractions like the biggest mall in Asia.
12. It’s perfectly fine to laugh while eating. If people would so much as stare at you, glare at them and shoot death rays. If it deemed possible, you can also gouge out their eyes from the sockets. Then laugh.
13. People would stare at you for no reason at all. If you find yourself being the object of their catatonic interest, give them the coup de grace by raising one eyebrow – left or right it doesn’t matter – and say, “Yes?”
14. Prickly heat can definitely cause your skin to roil. Dust yourself with powder as often as you can.
15. Looking for a parking space in the vast plains of MoA would take you at least 10 minutes. Leaving the area could be accomplished in 10 seconds.