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Puckering Time

It's now or never.

The horde of voyagers

1. Unless yours is an uber extended clan, refrain from bringing an uber humongous vehicle if your household consists of only four members plus a helper. (Mine does not set a good example to the society. Don’t follow.)

2. There is no such thing as benevolence when parking area is concerned. When you see it, you floor the gas, and then immediately set the shift stick to Park. Don’t forget to pull the hand brake.

3. Traversing the valleys of SM Mall of Asia requires the use of proper hiking gears. Use lightweight shoes that have good traction for optimum satisfaction and comfort.

4. Expensive rubber slippers, though fashionable and hip to wear, are not a mall rat’s best friend. You wouldn’t want to be called fashionably hip if you have deeply cracked heels and corns that resemble shiitake mushrooms.

5. Gadgets, while they’re of good use to humanity, should not be flaunted and waved upon in public. Many people – myself included – would regard you as a) an airhead, or b) first time users who don’t know doodley-squat about manuals.

6. Never assume that posh restaurants and fast food chains share the same principles as to food service and efficiency.

7. Live clams spit projectile water to unwary audiences. Watch out.

8. Häagen-Dazs’ Pistachio is the best, and Red Ribbon’s Choco Peanut Butter Mousse is heavenly.

9. It’s far much economical if you order bottomless or refillable beverages. At Dencio’s.

10. Aristocrat > Barrio Fiesta > Masas. Get it? (Hint: Elementary math + Accountancy + Practicality)

11. Photo ops are a necessary evil in tourist attractions like the biggest mall in Asia.

12. It’s perfectly fine to laugh while eating. If people would so much as stare at you, glare at them and shoot death rays. If it deemed possible, you can also gouge out their eyes from the sockets. Then laugh.

13. People would stare at you for no reason at all. If you find yourself being the object of their catatonic interest, give them the coup de grace by raising one eyebrow – left or right it doesn’t matter – and say, “Yes?”

14. Prickly heat can definitely cause your skin to roil. Dust yourself with powder as often as you can.

15. Looking for a parking space in the vast plains of MoA would take you at least 10 minutes. Leaving the area could be accomplished in 10 seconds.
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At Mon Apr 23, 02:54:00 PM, Blogger Jhed retorts...

I agree with #3. I never saw that coming. I thought they were joking when they said it's the 3rd biggest mall in the world.

Same with #4. I make it a point to have my nails pedicured before wearing flipflops. LOL.

Clams are really cute to look at when they are underwater. Haha! [Clams are cute? WTH! They don't even have eyes!]

OMG! You have savored Red Ribbon's Choco Peanut Butter Mousse?! I love anything that has 'peanut butter' in it. Kaso, it's way too expensive. I'm not ready to whip out 500 bucks for a cake.

Bottomless drinks are the best.

Ayun lang. :P    

At Mon Apr 23, 10:12:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

Jhed: You can actually make rounds inside the mall in just one day. Who says you can't do it? It's just a myth.

I seldom wear slippers kasi mahal magpa-footspa ngayon. Hehe.

Dumadahak talaga sila. Yung clams sa Taste Asia, mga live seafoods.

Oy, meron namang per slice. P51. And for me it's better than Oreo Cheesecake of Starbucks. Salamat.ü    

At Tue Apr 24, 11:48:00 AM, Blogger bulitas retorts...

Moa adventures eh?

"There is no such thing as benevolence when parking area is concerned. When you see it, you floor the gas, and then immediately set the shift stick to Park. Don’t forget to pull the hand brake."

- i agree!

"People would stare at you for no reason at all"

- i think it has become a hobby for mall people to stare at almost everyone who will pass their eyes

darn. i think i won't be able to make it at ate shawii's/bloggers' inuman gimik. darn.    

At Tue Apr 24, 12:54:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

Bulitas: "darn. i think i won't be able to make it at ate shawii's/bloggers' inuman gimik. darn." Me too. I think we'd be having this family outing quote-unquote this weekend. Aaargh.    

At Tue Apr 24, 11:07:00 PM, Blogger the philosphical bastard retorts...

i dont really understand the pinoy malling scene. but i liked it when you talked about flooring the gas and gouging someone's eyes!

i shall visit again    

At Wed Apr 25, 02:38:00 PM, Blogger Mike retorts...

The Philosophical Bastard: I'm serious. I'm really serious. Especially when I'm being ironic and exaggerated. Haha. Thanks for dropping by.    

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