A while ago I checked my grades for the second semester. It took me quite a while – around 30 minutes or so – to convince myself to log on to CRS because I know for sure that I would get disappointed. To make sure that I won’t find myself destroying things afterwards, I rushed over to our fridge and got myself a bar of Hershey’s plus a bottle of water.
The good side of this online grades viewing thing is that the need to make a round trip visit to the mountains of UP Diliman is totally unnecessary. You just have to remember your UP webmail username and the corresponding password, and you’re in. On the sad note, there’s no breakdown on how the hell you got those grades, and if you are a hard core grade-conscious person the first thing you’ll probably do is to scream.
While entering my username and password, I felt my heart pounding so loudly I thought it would rip itself out from my chest. Then after like five seconds my student number showed on the screen with my full name. I scrolled down to see if my grades have been updated. Yes, it has been updated and…what are those numbers doing over there?
I knew it. Okay, I have to clarify that I’m only 40% GC and the rest is happy-go-lucky, but I don’t get it. I just don’t. It’s as if my efforts have been neglected. I admit, I crammed with my partner to produce the show but our professor said we were the “best” tandem, then I’d get…what? We had it a flat with the radio show and the radio drama, and then this? Don’t tell me that freaking Seelabooz of the weeping armpits got a 1.0. (Seelabooz because this person gratefully pronounced syllabus as such. Dweeb.) I mean, hello. Our prof wouldn’t promote our tandem to the other class if we were so below mediocrity. There is some comfort in knowing that if you can handle a one-man show perfectly, what’s a duo? But this? I think I don’t deserve it. I thought the prof said that “the technicals were great, smooth transitions as to the voice overs and the songs (Uh Ma’am, it’s called a segue), and your voices were really good”? Go Mike, pump your ego. Pump more until you have raged out your anxieties. Then again 1.25 is still good, although I have qualms as to how it came to be. I have to settle this as soon as I can.
If you know yourself, your potentials and limitations, you would violently disagree if in the end you’d get something you don’t totally deserve. Do something about it – complain, rant, rave, utter bloodcurdling war cries if necessary. Don’t just sit back and say, “Life is unfair but life’s life that’s the way the cookie crumbles ces’t la vie okay lang yun;” it’s one way of letting the world raise a finger on you.
Because I let my emotions take over, I forgot to eat my chocolate. Which probably explains why I’m acting like this.