Puckering Time

I’ve learned that life has many lessons to offer.

1. Be friendly. Try anyway.
2. But choose your friends. And the ones who will consider you as their friend. Wisely. That way you can save yourself from frequent rumbles, atrocious gossips, and hypertension.
3. Always prepare a load full of answers to philosophical questions courtesy of kibitzers, e.g. “Kumusta na kayo ni (name)? Nasaan siya? Kayo na ba? Bakit hindi?” And so on.
4. If you find yourself caught in an ambush interrogation by your peers, don’t panic. Act naturally, as if you really are looking forward to such a conversation, that you really feel comfortable talking about your personal whatnots to them even if you don’t, lest you’d be subject to speculation and name-calling.
5. It’s perfectly fine to blush in front of, say, 10 people. As long as they are your friends.
6. If you can’t find the right answer to certain questions, smile. If you want to deceive people into believing that you are not eyeing someone else, laugh. And if they don’t believe you, utter the crispiest cuss word so juicy it seeps in to their bones.
7. Never watch other people as they eat. It’s very disappointing.
8. Being a keen observer of everything noticeable is tantamount to violating certain human rights. If you can’t help it, do so with subtlety.
9. Always bring alcohol to sterilize your hands and Kleenex tissues for emergency dirt and grime wiping. Hankies won’t suffice.
10. Badger Highland Mint Lip Balm is the best.
11. Wallowing in self-pity would never amount to success. Boosting your self-esteem makes for a better character enhancement.
12. Feelings shape your destiny. Don’t box them and haul them away from you.
13. Cheesy and/or mushy text messages are annoying and lovely at the same time. They also make good tearjerkers.
14. Premiere is better than Frenzy. They’re thinner, and you have different styles to choose from.
15. Wearing board shorts is fun especially at night. They’re easier to slip off.
16. Never divulge your darkest secrets in online diaries. Just don’t.
17. Eating Pei Pa Koa candies can really enhance your voice, but an overdose would mean palate abrasions. And they’re painful.
18. Don’t be a hoity-toity especially when you are the less-than-zero type. You would end up a laughing stock.
19. Make it a point to pray every once in a while. God will give you favors.
20. The most beautiful grade is indeed 1.0. Tried and tested.

Mike allegedly clacked away to post this on Monday, March 19, 2007 at 5:47 PM.