Puckering Time: Humans

Humans

I am frequently chatted up by total aliens.

Yesterday while I was riding a jeepney on my way home there was this guy who kept on looking at me from the side mirror. Since I am not used to stare back at people I ignored him during the course of my journey. He was fat, maybe in his 30s or so, and he looked exactly like Grimace. For 15 minutes he kept on glancing at me, occasionally checking on his face at the top view mirror of the jeepney as if he's comparing something. Then the jeepney stopped for a while to unload some passengers upon which Bavarian Creme man muttered something to me. "Pare, nagwe-weights ka?"

What the.

I don't know what's up with that guy but he's definitely asking the wrong person. Check out my photos - do I look like I'm doing weights? Do you see rippling muscles on my arms? Do I qualify as a commercial model? Hello? Anybody there? If you answered Yes in any of the three, I think you need to consult a psychiatrist. I can cook up a lot of theories with that statement. Maybe that guy's so insecured with his own body he wished he had a body like mine, but why would he aspire for something...less? I've tried working out but it didn't help. Or maybe he's insulting me. It's also possible that he just wanted to make conversation, but his approach is so pathetic and uncouth I wanted to punch him right there and then. Of course if I did something as barbaric as that I would turn out to be the pathetic and uncouth. To put one quote into practical application, Never argue with a fool; people might not know the difference. Correct?

***

This time at the MRT. The train stopped at Boni Avenue to unload passengers, then from out of the blue I was chatted by a Korean who was standing in front of me. He excused himself which was good, and asked something in garbled English. Half the time I wasn't able to understand what he was trying to tell me, and I felt stupid. Then I figured out what he was saying: he was asking if Tapa King and Jollibee serve the same menu. Something similar to that. I told him that TK is different from Jollibee. He asked whether TK serves hamburger. I wanted to laugh but I just said No. Then the lady beside me retorted, "Tapa King? They serve beef there. Yes, beef. Dried. Under the sun."

The lady asked me further, "Anong nationality n'yan?"

"Korean ho."

"Ah, estudyante siguro."

After a minute passed Mr South Korea told me that he wanted to know different Filipino restaurants because his friend is going to arrive from Korea. Or at least that's what I heard. He added that he has been in the Philippines for two years now, which explains why he knows a bit of our language.

Me: " So, are you studying here?"

Korea: (transcribed) "No, I'm still applying for universities. I like La Salle and UE."

"Ah. Okay."

"How about you? Are you [a] student?"

"Yes."

"Really? From what university?"

"UP. Have you applied there?"
"No. For me UP is the most difficult."

"Not really. Actually, there a lot of Koreans in UP. You can also try at the Ateneo."
(A friend told me that studying in South Korea is much more expensive so that is why they're flocking over at our country mostly to study. True, a lot of Koreans are scattered all over UP. I've had three Korean classmates in just one semester.)

"Ateneo is too expensive. What are you majoring in UP?"

"I'm taking up Speech Communication. It's similar to Mass Communication."

"Ah, Speech Comm. You study language?"

"Partly yes, but I'm majoring in Broadcasting."

"Ah, broadcasting. Mass Communication."

At which point the train arrived at Ayala Avenue, and he went down with the rest of the crowd. This was something I don't usually do. Talking to strangers.